Still of the Day
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untitled
under an empty chasm
fetus-like from your silence
aged to your experience
born only to the ocean
and spat to the shore
coughing for the waves
a bird who longs to swim
Phonecalls & Home
***beep, beep, beep***
chesa:: hello? hello? pam? hello? ugh!
*redial*
pam:: hello?
chesa:: hello?
pam:: he~llo~~?
chesa:: hello? pam?
pam:: hello?
chesa:: hello? pam?
pam:: hello? ya?
chesa:: my phone’s gonna die so here’s the number…
pam:: huh? what? you’re breaking…
chesa:: hello?
*beep, beep, beep*
(phone hangs up)
chesa:: ugh!!!
*puts phone down while driving*
chesa:: (looking at her phone) wait til i get a new phone! you are soooo gone…
*phone says nothing back*
chesa:: why can’t you work for me? at least for over 10 minutes??? what in the world?
*phone continues in silence*
chesa:: (looks back at the phone) oooo…watch..i’m soooo gonna get rid of you soon…you are so gone.
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things are bad when you start talking to inanimate objects…
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|0726| dear friends
i know i haven`t been updating. if you saw my schedule, you`d see why. the past 3 weeks have been grueling, but God is still good, i believe.
there`s so much work 2 be done 4 BASIC, so if anyone wants 2 help out, please contact me. it would be greatly appreciated…all planning 4 it have been detered from a passing away of one of our dearest brothers in Christ & friend, Kuya Bing Espalto. He died Tuesday morning & we all grieve our loss, but rejoice in Kuya Bing`s priceless gain…4 it says in the Word that “to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” We know Kuya Bing is shaking glad hands with the elders, & walking jasperly by Christ taking in all the splendor & beauty that his HOME has 2 offer.
But we pray 4 the family, & always keep Kuya Bing`s memories & kind deeds with us…even me. That`s what goes through my head…times & words with Kuya Bing. We`d always talk every Sunday. He`d shake my hand, ask me how i am, what i`m doing, offer any assistance & spiritual advice, & talk about his beloved daughter. I`ll miss you kuya bing. You`ve been an awesome example 2 me in our church. Rest in peace…& cause some mad havoc in heaven 4 me 
.
how is Home?
Day 5: DVBS
i want to write this before the moment passes and my senses are diluted with distractions.
tonite was day 5 of DVBS. This is usually the hardest day for me cuz i have to fit a lesson in, as well as stressing the importance of salvation.
I’ve had the same kids for four years now, and i’ve seen them all grow in their salvation, and i didn’t know how i was going to convey God’s love to them in a newer light, in a different angle.
So i turned off the lights at the end of our Bible study and asked them to listen to a song. “Love Song” by Third Day. After they listened to it, i asked them for their personal interpretations to which they unanimously responded of a man who loved God so much that he would do anything just to be with Him.
After i gave them a chance to respond, i shared a personal story of how i came to hear the song and what the song represented in my life- a time of sadness and desperation, a season that encompassed my weakness and strength, a time of pivotal understanding that no matter what happens in my life, God loves me. He loved me so much that He surrendered heaven and glory to endure earth and shame—-JUST TO BE WITH ME.
i told the kids that the composer of the song wrote it becuz He wanted to compose a song that God would want us to know. It’s HIS love song to us. And it’s His love song to them.
After their new knowledge of the change of object of affection, i asked them to close their eyes and listen to the song once more, but this time, hearing it with God’s voice, speaking to them. As i heard the song, i looked around and some of them were closing their eyes just praying and some of them were even crying, and it moved me beyond any way of description. I closed my eyes and just felt His Spirit upon these kids as if to tell me that He was listening to their thirsty hearts. It felt almost tangible to feel the Spirit choose willing hearts to use and mold amongst these kids. It shook me.
After the song ended, i heard one of the boys gently say, “Amen” and my soul leaped. i joined their circle and asked them to come to me if they had any questions or if they felt like God was speaking to them. I told them that they may feel confused and they don’t understand eveything, but if they feel something, that they should listen, becuz it’s God stirring in their hearts, so He may start moving in their lives. While i was praying, many of them were crying, and they were so unusually silent. After the prayer, i noticed most of them wipe their eyes and leave our room.
As they all left the room, i was talking to jasmine and i couldn’t contain my emotions. God, You are beautiful. They are just 10-12, but you are already calling them. I know you want to use them for your purpose God, so mold them. But Lord, it’s gonna be hard along the way, hold them too Lord. I felt so excited for them, and can only expect great things that God’s gonna do in some of them. I started crying.
After i got my food, i let “Love Song” keep playing in my room, and all my kids went back there to listen to it, and they wanted to know the artist. While i sat alone hoping that one of them would approach me, one of my students came and sat down next to me and asked to talk with me. So we went upstairs and talked one on one, and shared with me her concerns and questions about her spirituality and Christian growth. I advised her and then prayed with her. I can see in her a little bit of me when i was her age…so many questions about her relationship with God…so i tried to talk to her as if i was talking to the young me.
After our talk, we went downstairs and i saw the students of my class sitting in a circle chillin’ together just laffing, and it warmed my heart. i asked them to take a picture with the teachers and they really warmed up to me…i asked them if any of them wanted the song on cd, and to my joyous surprise, they clamoured for my attention and raised their hands in great reply.
God leaves me speechless at the end of the story. He calls even the youngest…and He really humbled me….cuz it’s one thing when you yourself can feel God speaking to you, but it’s another when you can see others being spoken to by God, esp. if they’re still so young.
God, please keep calling them to You…some of them are so thirsty and curious to know You. Teach them Lord, and call them in their still moments.
Your faithfulness moves me.
i love you Lord.
Vision…
days have been busy but God still makes time for God 
.
mel and i was praying for vision today, and when i went downstairs to the computer, i kept looking at the BASIC flyer. I just kept staring at it, thinking about what God wants, thinking about how to maximize the nite. I know i can only do so much that the senses will take in, but it’s God who weaves in the heart. but i want to do my end of God’s vision. This has been my prayer these days, that God will show me what He wants. I want to dream big, even for a small church. I need to expect great things…the greater the risk in faith, the greater His glory in faithfulness, all according to His will.
After this busy week, it’s time to sit down, rest, then mobilize.
The Madness Is Over
this week has been trying, i admit…emotionally and physically. I talked to pastor jus last nite and he said, “i know you’re tired, i can see it in your face…” I guess at those moments when i’m not running around, truth of the matter kicks in.
ps- and would you know it? after knowing pastor justin (who wasn’t always “pastor Justin”) for 17 years, last nite in Pre-BASIC was the first time we have ever sung together at the pulpit. I was amazed and humbled…Hoy! Pastor Jus…what did God do to you those 3 years in seminary! Ambisioso ka na! LOLS…kidding…all joking aside, that was one of the greatest personal blessings that night.
Ya Pre-BASIC…3 other personal blessings were Jamil. Eric. and Perze. why. mmm. they traveled the longest. haha…in addition, they shared with us their original compositions (except Jams). To know you guys traveled such distance for just Pre-BASIC is encrouaging. I wonder what God had in plan when He called you to our fellowship.
Lastly, Ate Grace called me this sunday morning. Actually, we talked Wednesday about my future position in the choir. She confirmed her hopes to depart to VA permanently in September. Sadly, i listened and complied to her request to take up her responsibilities as choir conductor. I admit i selfishly don’t want her, kuya rodel, and daniel to leave. She and kuya rodel have always been people in the church that i admired, & who have invested themselves to my spiritual growth, and now God requires their absence to empirical betterment- for them, for their ministry, for our church, and not so readily understood- for me.
i’m going to be a busy girl. it’s not so much going to a lot of things, but now i have to think of events…and it’s the preparation that will make me busy…not to mention all the thought going in to it.
i think i just have to cut back on some things.
i’m relieved that last week is over. but sunday was a day of great encouragement. There were many things i silently noted to which i could grasp in attainment that God sees me. i need to keep learning that it must only be His eyes i should run for. but one last comment i need to post for remembrance sake. sometimes i do get discouraged esp. when there’s so much to be done…but at church, after i sang “one pure and Holy Passion” for special number, i left the stage and quietly went to my seat and for some reason wasn’t paying attention to what my Pastor Ding was saying (i guess cuz of self-consciousness)…but afterward, the older people were coming up to me quoting what he had said after i had sung.
“Blessed is the man who will be Marchesa’s husband.”
…my response…hahahahahahahahahaha…my pastor was promoting me at the pulpit! it’s very embarrassing, but coming from Pastor Ding to have said such a personal conviction during service was very encouraging. but hopefully, that will be the last promotion…i think i get enough of that from the elders of the church.
:: long entry for a long weekend ::
Dance Before You Sleep
she wakes up.
she turns on her radio to her favorite station.
“Love At First Site” -Kylie Minogue
she opens her eyes to its fullest size & begins her routine eye scratching. she yawns & stretches her arms to the lazy ceiling. the beat gets heavier & she begins moving to the 4/4 beat, still a little dizzy from the late night on the phone. she recalls some words that stuck out like metal objects to a magnet. she tries to understand what happened yesterday so she can make sense of today. she remembers her friend complaining about britney spears, comparing her abs to the pop diva. she wondered how the nite had grown so late from a conversation. she remembers laffing about an inside joke, and lets out an overdue giggle. the music absorbs her remaining sleepiness and her dancing gets more sporadically convulsing to its beat. She spontaneously jumped on her unexpecting bed and began dancing like a madman without purpose. the phone rings and she answers to a familiar voice from last nite.
it`s her friend.
she hears the same song faintly in the background of her friend`s side of the line. she lets out an unusual early morning smile and steadies her feet to the mesmorizing beat.
** a simple story to remind us that how you fell asleep last nite can help how you get up the next morning
** my advice :: have a good dance before you go to sleep **
Grace & Rodel
i miss ate grace and kuya rodel.
they led the DVBS last year and it was always so much fun with them, seeing them smile, hearing their words of encouragment, making them laff. It’s still okeys this year, but i always admired their tag-team play .
kuya rodel, thank you for every word you have given me, from your blunt criticisms to your words of advice to your random teasings. you never miss an opportunity to pray for me at the most needed times. i remember when you had prayed for me & we both ended up crying. that will remain in my stories of you.
ate grace. one song that always comes to mind when i think of you, “when praise demands a sacrifice”…you have been such an example for me in this. I’ve seen you go through so much with the music ministry and you have such great silent strength. you have always believed in me ate grace…even when i was younger and wasn’t that good in conducting or playing…thank you for the encouragement, for your smiles, your hugs, and your belief.
i love you guys.
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