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an issue of trust
an issue of trust.
it’s funny these days that i’m teaching about John 15:5 to my sunday school class. Sometimes i wonder if they see me in their shoes, that i too go through their struggles as well, to some different degree, but i hope they will acknowledge that those lessons are not quite just out of the Discipleship book, but also from my experiences. I know sometimes they may look at me as if i don’t understand, but i do.
“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and i in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.”
This reminds me most February 2002, when the FIC retreat based its theme on this passage. I remember the whole time being there just so desperate for guidance to what God wants of me, from what path to take in what was going on with my life. There was so much confusion in which direction i should take with so many aspects of my life and i was frustrated with where i was. “I never seem to be content with my present surroundings, i always want more” someone once told me, actually more than one pointed that out to me.
the issue was trust.
i needed to trust the great mathematician to reveal and unfold things in my life, things that i needed “now”. i remember the last day of the retreat i went to take a walk to be alone and walked past through a field of young trees. As i proceeded farther, the rows of trees seemed to be more mature than the batch prior to them. Finally, i saw a row of mighty trees, fully mature. Still, my mind didn’t get it.
Then it became weird. I then saw a bird with outstretched wings soar above me, above the trees, above what i normally saw. Then i looked ahead of me and saw the path i was taking and it curved ahead with bushes on the side hiding the remaining direction of the path.
That’s when it hit me.
We don’t need to always know where that path is taking us. Sometimes we plan and plan and it becomes futile because things may be so unstable with circumstances. but our hope and our trust is in God because He alone has the bird’s eye view. He sees over all, clearly and surely, freely and with majesty.
And look at God’s promise after John 15:5 in John 15:7 —–> look…look…how great and awesome!
“But if you stay joined to me and my words remain in you, you may ask any request you life, and it will be granted!”
keep going!!
(v.9-11)”I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love. When you obey me, you remain in my love. just as i obey my Father and remain in his love. I have told you this so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow!!”
Let God have the bird’s eye view.
Let us learn how to trust. i love you Lord.
i know i haven’t written on here for a while, i will try to do so more often.
of trust
it’s funny how we always look forward to the future and end up not appreciating what we have at the present. I must say that I am guilty of this lately. But something happened over the weekend that brought me back down and really appreciated more and made me see things in a different light.
the clock that determines my stay here in the US is slowly winding down and in effect really worries me and have been affecting my relationship with marchesa. but with the recent events that transpired in the past week, there seems to be a glimmer of hope. yet i realized that my hope has been set on things that don’t really matter, like my immigration status for example, i often catch myself saying, “if i just have a more stable immigration status, my life would have been better”.
that particular statement/attitude shows how i misplace my trust. Prov. 3:5-6, talks about the most basic truth in the bible, Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding … it did not say Trust in the Lord with some situations … nope .. it said all, in these crazy times that we live in, the words trust and all is rarely a tandem.
simply said, i don’t really need all the riff-raff to get ahead in life, come to think of it, I have all that I need … and more.
Psalm 20:6-8
6 Now I know that the LORD saves his anointed;
he answers him from his holy heaven
with the saving power of his right hand.
7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.
8 They are brought to their knees and fall,
but we rise up and stand firm.
I have my God, and He has given me more than I deserve. Especially the one being who I consider as His manifestation of faithfulness and love for me, marchesa.
Thank You.
hah! got stood up …
all dressed up … with nowhere to go.
Reba McIntyre would have been proud, not that I’ve heard the song nor a Reba McIntyre fan. Yesterday I blogged about the board of directors, the high and mighty, the big honcho’s, yada, yada … are coming over to our building to have their board meeting. Today was supposed to be the day.
We usually have casual friday’s, you know jeans, even shorts in the summertime. Last week they announced that we have to wear business casual because the baby hueys … err, the bosses will be coming over. So, thats what everybody did. I had my regular work clothes on, longsleeves and slacks but oh boy, you won’t believe at what length others go in order to impress people who probably won’t even notice them or maybe even see them.
Even the Dragon Lady (because she smokes a lot … i mean a lot) wore a dress(she only wears baggy pants), and heels too. So funny. Then she told everyone that the head honchos are not coming because of an accident in the expressway. If I probably looked carefully, I could have seen the sighs of everyone going through the air … especially those cooks, or were they chefs?
Some are still in denial …
They say they’re expecting the Board
They’re just running late
But we know the truth so well
So I just sigh and walk away
restroom trivialities
Early this morning, when I got to work, I made a quick and short trip to the restroom. As I was washing my hands, two cooks from the cafeteria came in. All I hear them saying was that … “They brought their own cooks, can you believe that? Looks like our food is not good enough for them.”
I looked at the two of them and then I walked out. I had no idea what they were talking about. A few hours passed, attended our team meeting. As it was about to end, one of my co-workers mentioned that the board of directors are meeting on our building. As a matter of fact, they converted the conference room into an executive meeting area. They brought in engraved long tables, executive type leather seats, their own cooks … the whole sh’bang.
That’s what the cook was complaining about. Oh well, these people earn a hundred times than the normal person, they deserve the treatment right? As for those cooks that were complaining, serves you right for serving icky cafeteria food. The only good thing in that cafeteria is their Italian hoagie, but that would be history soon since Quizno’s will be opening up a branch near my area.
moving blues
for a while now, i’ve been considering, moving into new jersey. last sunday, we went to visit rogie’s place i kinda concluded that i would definitely move. but now i have second thoughts. i don’t know what but I really need some kinda confirmation or assurance on this move.
my immigration status is still up in the air. i kinda worked on my balance sheets and looks like i have the same expenses whether i move or not. the greatest factor has been the automobile insurance in new jersey, the state regulates it so much to the point that nobody wants to do their business anymore. i could double what i’m paying now.
i was hoping i could save a bit on this move but looks like, it will just be the same. wow this is harder than i thought. i have literally a few days before i decide and turn in my discontinuance of lease document and the closer it gets, the more confused i am.
here’s my list of pros and cons so far:
pros –
closer to marchesa
closer to the church (i can be involved more in the local ministries)
cheaper gas!
i can mooch of my mileage allowance
no lease restrictions
cons –
i have to wake up early to go to work (say 5:30, in order to miss traffic)
my automobile insurance doubles
the hassle of moving, arrrrgh
–
hmmm, i guess that’s it. looks like i convinced myself with that… more pros than cons. ok .. i’m drafting my letter tomorrow.
ladies and gentlemen, i’m moving to South Joizee!
until that day
when all of this is through
i won’t have to say adieu
better lives we shall pursue
our fears we need to subdue
in this particular moment
let us both enjoy the present
wallowing in the time spent
rather than embrace torment
i know you are afraid
it’s a feeling i also cannot evade
lets not start a masquerade
lest all our problems cascade
all i want to say
is for you not to dismay
let’s just continue to pray
until we reach that day
stuff
“it’s been a long time since i blogged …” <– this line is starting to become cliche for me. to be honest, i have no idea why. i can remember over two years ago when i started, i can always see things and then i write about it. sometimes i come off with something smart, silly, even to the point of being profound.
lately i’ve been having a difficulty writing, i can’t seem to express myself anymore. there are even times when i can’t even find the words to say. more often than not, i would be in the middle of a meeting and i just can’t seem to find the exact words that i wanted to say in order to express what i feel about a certain idea or a specific issue at hand. there are even times when i easily forget what somebody told me a minute ago. it’s as if i neverheard anything.
is it stress? i don’t really know. i’m tired all the time, which basically amplifies whatever emotions (mostly negative) i have. the most i’ve slept is 5 hours, not counting the times when i just wake up in the middle of the night for no reason at all.
a particular verse stuck to my mind … psalms 127:2, it says “In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat for he grants sleep to those he loves.”, then I ask the question in my most paranoic cerebral voice … if God grants sleep to those he loves … why am i not sleeping?
silly me, Psalms 100:5 also says that He is good and that his love endures forever. I don’t really need to quote from the bible because i have known that for a fact. the mere idea of me being here typing this stuff is a living testimony that His love indeed endures forever.
it might be a long time until my next … there it goes again, i just forgot what i was about to type … yes, journal entry … but until then
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