none has ever tested my strength as this one.

i’ve always taken everything with strength despite all the things i had to endure in the past. i don’t consider myself to be very completely open to people. i have many friends and feel i have been blessed with great friends, and a family that really shows me they love me. i know my family is very tight knit, always coming home to get together with everyone, and spending weekends together when our friends are doing something else. but there’s still that part of me that i just can’t voice. the part that i feel people may not want to see, or may think is too corny, or maybe even hypocritical…

…and unexpectedly, without warning, without expectation, God sends me someone who just happens to talk to me, and i’m floored…someone who can really be a best friend…

…someone who can follow my philosophical ravings, my emotional vulnerabilities, my specifically appreciated “special” humor, and innumerable faults…

…people take it in such easy stride, expecting that out of billions and billions of people, that they’ll find that “person.” People feel as if it’s as easy as finding the next meal, but now that i think about it, how less can we think of a miracle?

and that’s what it is. i believe that finding that “person” is a miracle, no less. out of billions. as if two stars from the vast sky follow an uncertain route, and meet…

…where am i getting to? i love him.

…he’s a miracle. he’s my best friend. and right now, i can help but just be scared he’d leave. i know we go through so much in life to strengthen us. and one reason why i don’t get so scared in many things in my life is because i’ve maybe grown calloused to being fearful.

but this time, i find myself scared.

perze and i had a long prayer yesterday. as perze was praying, i knew what i wanted to pray for, i knew what i was going to say. i was going to say, “Lord, we know you love us. you know our desires. please allow perze to stay. please grant us what we want.”

as perze prayed, we both just started crying. we were so moved by God’s sovereignty, and couldn’t help but be so humbled with how big He is. instead, i prayed, “Lord, you are bigger than the mountains. You are more vast than the oceans. You are the author of creation, and the savior of our salvation. You conquered death, and rose for your glory. How much more for our small problem? Lord, you know our desires, but i ask that all will be for your glory. Give us vision much greater than what we can see, for our perspective is so short that we can’t even see to tomorrow. Give us strength, give us greater faith, and give us peace. Most of all, may we give you glory.”

only Jesus knows.

first thing’s first, since i didn’t get to blog yesterday:

HAPPY seventeensixteen, YESTERDAY !!!!

perze and i have had major ups and downs, distressing news, and our own emotions to deal with ever since the beginning of this year, and i know God doesn’t promise us that it will stop, He only renews our joy every morning to face what comes for that day. i praise God for His faithfulness in our lives, individualy, and in our relationship. i don’t admit to having a perfect relationship with perze, because we are two very imperfect people, but i praise God for His ability to perfect us, that constant grinding of who we are, the continuous chiseling of better refinements, and i know God is the refining fire of our relationship.

perze’s been having car problems again, and this time, it’s hit him hard again, but we talked it over and we’ve counted our blessings. one, safety. always the biggest blessing. two, there were kind people to really help him out, the mechanics and tow trucker. three, Perze is loved so much that Ate Lilng Ling and Kuya William let him borrow their new Toyota Corolla. It was a very humbling experience to know that they are so giving. God bless their giving nature.

i guess, it’s easy to complain about so many things, and believe me, we have. but one thing that i’m so proud about perze is this: his humility. no matter the things that may beat him down, the pressures of life, he may be upset or discouraged, or depressed, but he never raises his voice, never throws a tantrum, never leaves everyone, is never hotheaded. i think this is why we are always quick to resolve our arguments, because in the end, he humbles himself. And in the end of all his woes, when he has completely given it to God, he humbles himself. so i looked up a song that has recently caught his affection, so here are the lyrics:

More
by Matthew West

Take a look at the mountain
Stretching a mile high
Take a look at the ocean
Far as your eye can see
And think of Me

Take a look at the desert
Do you feel like a grain of sand?
I am with you wherever
Where you go is where I am

And I’m always thinking of you
Take a look around you
I’m spelling it out one by one

(Chorus)
I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I’ll say it again and again
I love you more

Just a face in the city
Just a tear on a crowded street
But you are one in a million
And you belong to Me

And I want you to know
That I’m not letting go
Even when you come undone

(Chorus)
I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I’ll say it again and again
I love you more

Shine for Me
Shine for Me
Shine on, shine on
Shine for Me

The morale at work is incredibly low today. People are being monitored round the clock. Phone calls, internet usage and maybe even this document that I am typing right now. What?s funny is that people are freaking out … silently.

My contract with Aetna is about to end (6/12) and I really don’t know what this predicament puts me in. The obvious is that I would lose my job and that I would have to go home. I didn’t really mind that two years ago. But now, if I leave, I leave a part of me. The part that completes me.

But it’s the not so obvious that really worries me … How do I react to the circumstances that surround me. Am I reacting in a manner where I can show, even at the lowest points in my life, that I’ve been washed by the blood of the Lamb?

2 Cor. 5:17 Tells us that “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (NIV) I’m not saying that worrying is wrong. What I’m trying to say is that if worrying is all I do, then that is wrong. In my blog yesterday I specifically asked what am I supposed to do when my faith hangs by a strand? The answer is in His word; Philippians 4:6-7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding , will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”(NIV)

It just hit me. Yes I do present my requests to God, but I present them to Him whining … not just whining but “WHINING” whining. I missed an important part. Paul did not only say to present your requests to God and the peace of God will be with you, but he said present them with thanksgiving. He did not promise regular peace but the peace that’s ULTRA-MEGA BIGGIE sized! The peace of God that transcends all understanding. He doesn’t stop there, He even has a protection plan that comes with it. He will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I can hear Him now … Perze, you’re tilly.

If there is one thing you can be sure of in this world is that you are never sure of anything. Company A is going through another round of layoffs … a complete turnaround from a decision 12 hours back. Company P is just plain stupid. Gas is crazy expensive! Ugh not even funny. People dying, among others. Movable Type is charging an amount which I honestly cannot afford. I mean … what is going on?!?

Could this world be any worse? Everything bad is at an all time high, and everything else is at an all time low. This is like the year 2001 all over again.

Makes you wanna shout and lash out to the world huh? What can I do but hold my breath in. I feel like staying on top of a hill that overlooks everything. Use a vine or something for a shade and wait until the wrath of God is unleashed.

Wait … that had a different ending.

(more…)

the first project of twelvesixteen.

[c l i c k o n p i c]

of course i had tons of help by the taskmaster himself- perze….hahah…so a big hearty thank you goes to him.

j’ai juste perdu mon harddrive… je ne sais pas pourquoi? peut-?tre c’est la mani?re de Dieu en me disant de commencer encore une fois.

one … i did not write the blog below. marchesa did.

two … philippine elections are over and looks like the best friend of former president estrada is winning. check out this site … http://namfrel.org/. I really hope that the winner will do something radical in order to lift the country up. We know that something is wrong with the system, the problem is not only with the President but it’s the execution of the policies down to the local government level.

I hate to say it but until the government protects our number one resource from stinkin’ middle men, our agricultural sector will never be at par with any other country in the world.

and if you don’t know what our number one resource is then you don’t deserve to occupy a position in the government … go somewhere and start planting camote …