we are all just waiting until she decides to move into a bigger apartment, because let’s face it, this tummy of mine refuses to get any bigger for her growing body.

tita kris is moving back to boston this saturday, but little emma is still nestled inside…our hopes of her coming out before saturday seems a little bleak, although we continue to persuade her otherwise.

she moves constantly and strongly inside. her kicks are much harder and it’s more difficult positioning myself to comfortably sleep. my feet occasionally also become swollen and my heels are often tender.

i think about her often. i think about the first day of her schooling, then i jump back and think about her first few months living from the comforts and safety of the womb. she’ll have tons of checkups to make sure she progresses normally and healthy- like her hearing, her immunity…what will i do when she develops her first cold, stuffy nose, fever…she’ll be helpless always depending on perze and i for relief…

i never want to see her hurt. but i know she will be. i always want to see her smiling. but i know she won’t be.

she has a funny rhythm sometimes. 2 kicks, a drumroll, then 2 more following kicks. i wonder what she must be doing.

come soon baby emma. everyone loves you already.

yay! I just had my last ultrasound…now i just have to go in for my 2x a week NSTs and fluid check, and of course, my regular weekly checkups at the ob/gyn.

here she is… we tease her cuz from the ultrasound, she looks like she has big lips…but it’s only because she’s running out of space, plus, we can’t keep her still enough to get an accurate picture. but you can discern her eyes and nose quite well.

have i mentioned that she’s 5.4 lbs now? well, she is, after having been so worried the first time they thought her weight was going to be a complication. i remember being so worried that i had only 2 more months to go and she wasn’t even 3 lbs. God was forming her…
she’s just gonna be as big as the majority of the babies…but then again, i’m pretty small, so she prolly just takes after me.

i can’t wait to see her face and hear her voice. see her kicks instead of feeling them from inside. the anticipation is sometimes too much, also because i know everyone is really excited to meet her- the first little perze/marchesa combo- ninja noe.

she’s so loved.

ps- aside from the present that her tita kris got for her, a package arrived today from amazon. we wonder who sent it…whoever it is, thank you so much! it’s huge.

like ice-cold water that was poured on my face, i woke up this morning with the thought that in 22 days i’m going to be a dad. same realization i have every morning for the past two weeks, of course the number of days just keeps on getting smaller.

this will probably the most difficult and wonderful thing that i’ll ever experience in my entire life … be entrusted with another. proverbs 22:6 comes to mind.

as i look forward, i end up looking inwards. realizing that in the 30 years of my life i’ve trifled with so many things and end up questioning my maturity in the faith. am i mature enough to train a child in God’s ways? deep inside, I hear a resounding NO. but on the other side her name reminds me so much of what God has done for me and marchesa.

For those of you who do not know yet, our little girl’s name will be Emmanuelle Grace … Emmanuelle because she is a testament that God is with us, and it is only through his Grace that we are where we are, and thanking Him for every moment that we have in this world.

I dedicate her with this promise from God …

Psalm 91

1 Those who live in the shelter of the Most High
will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

2 This I declare of the LORD:
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
he is my God, and I am trusting him.

3 For he will rescue you from every trap
and protect you from the fatal plague.

4 He will shield you with his wings.
He will shelter you with his feathers.
His faithful promises are your armor and protection.

5 Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night,
nor fear the dangers of the day,

6 nor dread the plague that stalks in darkness,
nor the disaster that strikes at midday.

7 Though a thousand fall at your side,
though ten thousand are dying around you,
these evils will not touch you.

8 But you will see it with your eyes;
you will see how the wicked are punished.

9 If you make the LORD your refuge,
if you make the Most High your shelter,

10 no evil will conquer you;
no plague will come near your dwelling.

11 For he orders his angels
to protect you wherever you go.

12 They will hold you with their hands
to keep you from striking your foot on a stone.

13 You will trample down lions and poisonous snakes;
you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!

14 The LORD says, “I will rescue those who love me.
I will protect those who trust in my name.

15 When they call on me, I will answer;
I will be with them in trouble.
I will rescue them and honor them.

16 I will satisfy them with a long life
and give them my salvation.”

kristie’s been going with me to my appt’s cuz perze has to work during the days. today, i had my last ultrasound until my pregnancy, and she cooperated the whole time.

her heart looks great, her fluid around her still have amniotic fluid to facilitate her breathing ability, she’s head down now, and her abdomen shows the typical signs of practice breathing. she did get bigger, thank the Lord. last time i went there was 3 weeks ago, when she was 3.14 lbs, and now she’s 5.3 lbs!! woot woo for baby…she’s so good.

when i saw her in the ultrasound screen, i saw one of her arms raised, yet she still had her eyes closed. and since she’s bigger, the ultrasound pictures are a little more difficult to decipher…so sometimes i think she has big lips…hahahah…crazy little girl.

it’s only a matter of days now, i’m just praying for a healthy pregnancy.

…so i’m here in sj again while perze stays up north. he comes back down on the weekends to join me, and to catch up on how i’m doing. it feels like school again when i had to leave him at home while i studied during the weekdays. then i’d come home thursday nights. how did i ever complete 22 credits my last semester without having friday classes and still graduate with honors, plus be in the middle of my first trimesters? God really has a hold on things…i can really testify that it’s all through His power that I can do things.

i woke up this morning and asked perze about how we could financially handle me taking graduate courses for education. after some time pondering and considering the costs and options with emma and money and time, perze went online and got information for me for an online master’s degree for education. an hour later, a representative for AIU called me and briefly interviewed my interest and intentions for applying. He asked me to conference with him tomorrow when i’ll be able to ask questions and when he can get more information about my scholastic background and future endeavors. So, that’s it, i’m applying for my master’s online, and we’ll see from there if i’m accepted, and how we’ll pay for everything, and handle baby emma.

i know it’s my move. I know God will move things for me.
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ps- thank you mahal for believing in me and supporting me.

a lot of my girlfriends are pregnant and are due a little after me.

Christina- July (Boy)
Kat- September (Girl)
Ate Maricel- August (?)
Ate May- September (Twins- 1 boy, 1 girl)
Stephanie Groser- August (?)

2005 is going to filled with so much happiness.