Still of the Day
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back at work
it feels weird not being around marchesa and emma 24-7. things haven’t normalized here at work, i’m still catching up with all the “work-related” e-mails that I’ve missed, hundreds of them, reading them in between meetings and breaks.
I must admit I’m a little groggy because emma has been a handful especially at around midnight till 3. I can’t afford to stay late anymore because of work in the morning and I feel bad for marchesa not getting enough sleep because she wants me to sleep instead.
having a baby is really a humbling experience. it’s like surfing (never did it) if you miss a wave, you’ll find yourself underwater. makes you realize that there’s still a lot … a whole lot that i needed to learn and know of.
A lot of times I would feel like I am running out of patience because that girl just wont stop crying no matter what you do. Come to think of it, I should have got it down by know … I’m talking about patience folks … not babies.
30 years of life experiences should have already taught me how to deal with the simplest of lifes virtues but noooo. I become impatient, then I get clumsy, then I feel stupid and useless. Good thing I have a great wife that always lifts me up no matter what.
On a different note, I’d like to greet my Lola Mildred a Happy Birthday … 90 years young. I have so many fond memories of her. I got the chance to talk to her yesterday, I had to scream at the phone because she already has trouble hearing. I gave her the good news that emma is finally here. Here’s a snippet of our conversation:
Lola: Kanus-a man ka mu-uli aron magkita nako imong asawa ug anak?
Me: paningkamutan namo nga makauli mi karong abril
Lola: You better come quick because time is no longer on my side(with a snicker)
Me: Don’t worry, I know you’ll be there when I get home
Lola: pag-ampo lang pepit aron mag-abot pa ta. maminaw man ang Gino-o ba.
Me: Sige la, kada adlaw ampo, ayaw ug kabalaka magkita pa lagi ta. ipa ila-ila dayon tika sa akong asawa ug anak.
I had to put the phone down because she is really having a hard time hearing me over the phone. Nevertheless I was able to say the things that I needed to say. She remembers me fondly, maybe because of the fact that I look a lot like my Lolo.
I got a little sidetracked there … where was I … oh yeah, back to work …
Emmanuelle Grace born July 1, 2005
She’s finally here!
Emmanuelle Grace Fabila Ababa
July 1, 2005
Cooper Hospital, Camden NJ
4:57 pm
5 lbs. 11 oz.
9′3 inches
[click on the pick to go to her album]
I started getting contractions June 30 around 9pm during dinner time with my parents. They felt like strong consistent cramps that timed about 3 min. apart. I called perze, who was in Budd Lake at that time because he went to work earlier that day. He was so excited that this could be it, and we didn’t want to take that chance that he’d be late for my labor, so he decided to come back down to SJ.
It was a thursday before 4th of july so my siblings were also coming back to SJ, even kristie who went back to Boston earlier that week. So baby Ninja Emma really timed it well. Everyone was coming home for her arrival.
Perze came home around 11:30pm and we waited and recorded my contractions until they were 5 min. apart with more intensity because we didn’t want to call the doctor too early for them to have sent us home again from the hospital if i wasn’t too far dilated. So we waited until I couldn’t stand some of the discomfort. I was admitted to Cooper Hospital through the emergency door to Dorrance Building where they assessed my condition. True enough, i was already 4 cm dilated, just passing the mark to be admitted for labor.
So they transferred me to the labor unit with my Mama Ruth and Perze. We waited a while. This was when my epidural took place, my meds, and emma’s heartbeat and contractions were recorded.
I believe one of the scariest times was when i was getting my epidural, witnessing my husband and mother leave to get a tube placed in my back. The needle did hurt a bit and the pressure in adjusting it in place was the worst part although i have to admit looking back in retrospect, didn’t really hurt. The anesthesiologist was a bit on the quirky side but my nurses really were friendly and assuring.
From waist down, the most power I had was to wiggle my toes, not even having the luxury to control my own “bathroom facilities.” This always posed tons of discomfort, added to the fact that I couldn’t eat or drink. My only source of oral intake was crushed ice. This didn’t suffice a bit, esp. since a good portion of my thoughts wandered to the ice cooler my brother sent me with a hoagie and 2 bottles of lemonade inside.
Doctor Salvatore finally came in and recommended Petocin be administered because my contractions weren’t increasing, also i was only 5 cm dilated and needed to get past that stagnant hump. After the necessary meds were given, after a few hours, i was at 6 cm, gradually getting to 10cm. The doctor checked me again for Emma’s position in my cervix, informing me that she was still a little high, so I was recommended to sit up so she could somehow drop.
After a few hours of sitting, i finally grew very uncomfortable around my bottom area, so much so that no matter how i tried to reposition myself, I couldn’t ease it. Finally, I called in the nurse and complained of the pain as well as the dwindling epidural. They finally increased my dose but the contractions came stronger. Having been a trooper through all the pain, I couldn’t handle it any longer and finally involuntarily shed some tears through some of the contractions until Dr. Salvatore came in for the second phase of labor- the pushing.
This must have been the worst part that I can remember because it seemed as if the whole town of Camden was there to witness it. There were two doctors- 1 being a student, 2 nurses, Perze, and my mom. when it came to push, I tried to remember everyones’ comments about not pushing from the throat, pretending i’m pooping, push down from my abs and not my chest…blah blahs…
But when it all came down to it, all I kept thinking was push hard, as if you were pooping…and it worked. i was pooping something huge for 30 minutes, and it hurt like nobody’s business. They told perze to count to 10 every time I pushed, in groups of three. so when every contraction came, perze counted to 10 while he helped position me. The doctors and nurses ended up snickering at him and told him to count slower since I guess his anxiety and nervousness for me made him count extremely fast. hahahah…they had to keep reminding him to slow down. Through it all, I tried to remind myself that i’d finally get to see her face, and through it all I was also foolishly thinking about the hoagie and lemonade.
Towards the end, I could feel such pain because her head was almost out, and when they told me last push, I really pushed hard that i screamed afterwards. The doctor told me that the head was already out and to cease any more pushes until they told me so. In the end, I pushed once more and the rest of her came out. All i remember feelings were my legs- violently shaking, and all these voices and bodies just come in to assess the baby while my doctor tended to me.
I just remember Perze’s smile of amazement, almost crying but not. he was so happy and in my mind, that was enough. I looked around the room to get a glimpse of my awaited Emma. All i remember thinking when i saw her was, “who is that? she doesn’t look at all familiar to me and she just doesn’t look like me or perze…” but i wanted to hold her and let her know i was her mom.
Perze was the first to hold her. His smile was so huge, with such pride and humility all at once. My mom was the next to hold her since i was still being tended to. Finally, I got to hold her…and it was as if I’ve always known how to hold her. Her face was so fragile and vulnerable- looking with wide eyes already, motioning with her mouth that she was hungry. She smelled like new life- pure and untouched. And I already loved her.
That was it…july 1, 2005, 4:57pm…we were a family. To God be the glory.
monday the 11th
emma is ten days old today. man, it seemed like forever. pretty soon she’s gonne be crawling, then walking, talking on the phone and what not. Time really passes you by when you are a kid. It slows down in the inside yet accelerates quickly while you are watching from the outside.
it’s funny how easy it is to amuse her. she has this ability of knowing when she is being held or not. one of my very close friends ( a ninong in our wedding) came over and told me how babies identify your scent. once their senses recognize that you are no longer here with them, they just open their eyes and fuss. so from now on, everytime i put her down on her makeshift crib, i place an undershirt as a sort of a blanket. It gives her the illusion of me being there.
deception is an evil thing.
A New Beginning
Life starts anew in my side of the world. My daughter was born on July 1, 2005. Emmanuelle Grace F. Ababa, 5lbs 11oz, 19.75 inches. It’s crazy how you stare at someone you haven’t seen all your life and once you see that person, you just fall in love.
My world now revolves around 2 people. My wife, and my daughter. I have been so blessed, I can’t even begin to explain how I feel. I still stand in awe of His glory.
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