Life doesn’t always go as planned, but the plans of God are sufficient — Stuart McAllister

so emma’s now 14 months.  she needs 5 more teeth to have a full set, and she’s finally 20lbs and growing.  if you know her, she’s sort of on the skinny side although she does eat.  her eating palate now consists of everything but peanut butter and honey.  she’s pretty passionate most of all for my pork belly sinigang.  yes, i cook peoples.  i think the most surprised that i can cook every day is my mom, since she’s been the one person frustrated with me for being so unpassionate about food during my single days.  but yes, i can now butcher a dead slab of pork’s belly and still keep a clean kitchen, and if you know me well, you know that i need a clean kitchen always. 

her vocabulary is expanding every day, and she surprises me when i’ve realized certain things that she can understand, because she responds correctly to what i’ve said.  when i consciously teach her a new word, before, it would take months when she was 6 months old, but now, it can take less than a couple of minutes if she’s concentrated on making the association of an object to its phonetic sound.  She knows how to “bless” perze when he comes home, hand people objects when we say “give,” control her behavior when we say “no”…etc…plus she’s very discerning of our moods.

emma finally has favorite tv shows:  The Doodlebops, The Backyardigans, LazyTown, and definitely the dynamic duo- Moose A. Moose and Zee.  She dances every time she hears a song (although she frequently dances to anything with a good beat like Paris’ Stars are Blind, and car commercials).  She also tries to sing more, esp. if she sees the guitar lying around.  She’ll strum an ungodly chord and belt out a nice Ahhhhhhhhh.  Lastly, she knows how to signal to me that she wants milk, change her diaper, or go to sleep.  For the parents out there, i know you can agree with me that these are very important, as not to have to guess every time a ‘wah’ comes out.  It’s like finding kryptonite and flushing it down the toilet.  Afterwards, you feel very at peace.

the peace doesn’t last too long, peace to a new mom spans for 5 minutes, unless baby is sleeping (or with the lola/lolo dynamic duo).

Historically, I never wear down that quickly. Especially with my job. I stuck with Pinkerton through thick and thin for 7 years. I gained enough experience to be where I am now and felt that it was time for me to move on, and I did.

The New York Times gave me that chance and I took it. knowing so well of the consequences that it would have in taking the job. I’m tired of the commute. The job is great but the moment I get to the office, my body is already worn out. 4 hours everyday is enough to make you go nuts.

Either I need a new place to stay, or a new job. Finding a place to stay is easy but complicated. Complicated because I’d have to factor out unknowns, like where Marchesa’s teaching assignment is going to be. Once Marchesa teaches, which is the best daycare for Emma. These things make it complicated.

I just want to walk up to my boss and tell him that I can’t do this anymore. I’m tired of commuting 4 hours a day. But I can’t since I’m the only one that’s bringing in money that’s enough for us to live by. Enough money so I can even send some to the Philippines at a moments notice.

I need to find a way to rejuvenate my tired body. I need suggestions. I need help.

Today my wife asked me something that challenged and hurt at the same time. She asked if at the time of our courtship, she presented herself wrongly to me. I said no.

I asked her back … and she said she thought I was so GungHo about ministry.

I try so hard not to use work as an excuse. But I don’t think she really sees the value of what I do. Because if she does, she wouldn’t have challenged it. Yes I feel hurt because I work 14 hours a day to provide for this family and for my siblings and parents in the Philippines. out of the 10 hours left in a weekday, I spend 4 hours of that in the train in which I try to cram my devotions and whatever sleep I could muster so would not be zombie.

I really don’t think that God looks down on me for not being busy for His kingdom. I don’t have time to reach out because of my crazy scedule and challenges like the one she gave me just makes me look worse of my inner being and make me question my motives.

She made me feel like the prodigal son. But unlike the prodigal son I did not choose to have this. I asked her where is my Jerusalem? I don’t even know. It’s like going to Judea yet strive to worship in Jerusalem.

Where is my home? I don’t know. Its supposed to be where my heart is but I really don’t know. one thing for sure is that God is holding my heart in his hands. I don’t understand why these things are going on right now but I know in the end I will see what he wants with me.

Galatians 6:9