i never got to tell my engagement story on our twelvesixteen.net…not yet…hahah

it’s actually quite funny, cuz last sunday as i was giving a haircut to one of the youth girls, she asked me why i never told her how perze proposed.  so during our hairdid session, i recounted how perze was really slick enough to propose to me without me ever finding out, or even having an inch of a clue that he was going to propose that day, month, OR season! hahaha

after being married now for 3 years, it’s still a wonder to me when someone asks me of our proposal story (or any chapter of it).  when i finally had finished, she asked me if i could show her the exact place we got engaged (since we’ll be having our family retreat there this year [awesome, rite?]).  i hope they never take it down.  this year, we get to take a picture now with our firstborn.

valentines day never meant so much until 2004, because that’s the day perze proposed to me @ sandy cove. that week, he talked to my parents, bought a ring, told a close friend, and planned one of the most memorable times in my life.  he was goooood…never would i have thought, being the person that i am, that he would actually propose on valentines day.  but now, it gives a whole new meaning for this day.

the above picture was where we got engaged.
near the water, on the rocks, during sunset.
@ a place very special to us even during our friendship.

i love you mahal.
and now, i love you too silly emem.
you two make life extremely wonderfun and beautiful. happy valentines.

this is for our friends and family.

so yes, you.  take time this day, not just to celebrate mushy love twitterpations between a man and woman, but also love for your parents, siblings, and family. some chocolates for your friends. sweet nothings to your grandparents.  handwritten poems to your children.  and most of all, celebrate the graciousness of love itself- one of the greatest mysteries graced to us! 

i also just want to take this time to share verses about the ultimate manifestation of LOVE.

john3:16

"for God so loved the world,
that he gave his only son,
that whoever believes in Him
will not perish
but have everlasting life."

mark12:30

"love the Lord your God
with all your heart,
and with all your soul,
and with all your mind,
and with all your strength."

The commute yesterday was just nasty, today on the other hand was just stupid. It felt like being stuck in an alleyway where there was an overturned 7-11 slurpee truck. Major slush on the roads! It sucks even more because I usually walk now to the bus stop. For some reason this is one of those snowstorms (you can’t even categorize this as one) where all meteorologists talk about and the local government units just acts surprised and acts very late.

When I came out of the apartment this morning, major slush all over the place, nobody plowed anything. So I probably looked like the grinch as I was walking to the bus station, tip-toeing all the way. It really sucks when your socks get wet. Once I got to the bus, there was this middle aged south asian lady who looked at me, had the widest smile and started conversing with me.

Lady:  Hey, I didn’t know you take this bus
Me: *Fixes Coat* Hmmm, yeah?
Lady: Since when?
Me: Not … too … long … ago *(am i supposed to know this woman?)
*Lady realizes that I wasn’t the person she thought who I was, Looks down and stops talking*

**Crickets in the background**

Yeah, I almost LOLed. She just turned beet red.

sunday morning, as Perze was leading Praise and Worship, we received a call from the Philippines informing us that Lola Mildred (the mother of Perze’s dad- Perlen Ababa) passed away that morning.  She was very much loved by her family. 

Condolences to the whole Ababa family.  Please remember them in your prayers, for comfort and peace, and also for the preparations regarding the funeral and burial.

But we rejoice that she’s now in a better place probably singing and dancing, sharing in God’s glory w/ loved ones.

It was so ironic when I got the news of my Lola’s death. I was standing in front of the congregation playing for Praise and Worship. Kuya Cliff was segueing from the first to the 2nd song when I felt my phone vibrate. The first was a text message from my sister Milfe, a second later was a phone call from my sister Zen. When I saw my sister’s number I knew then and there that my Lola was gone.Ironically, the song that we started singing was "O Praise Him" by the David Crowder Band.

After praise and worship I went down to the kids room to tell Marchesa what happened. She kind off already knew because when I didn’t pick up my phone my sister started calling hers. I refrained from calling back because I knew what was going to happen, they are going to tell me the same thing I already knew. So I waited to call until we got home in Plainsboro, where I can get my privacy.

We were still in South Jersey  when I started writing the first blog about my Lola. The point where I envisioned of her being with my Lolo after 10 years of being apart from each other just brought me to tears. I can’t even imagine being away from Marchesa and Emma for a day. Then the Ng’s called. Totally ruined that moment. Thanks for the call by the way.

We went home, I tried calling my dad, because if there’s anyone that’s really going to be sad it’s going to be him, he was the one that lost his mom. I never got hold of him. I called my sister, Milfe, after that and found out that my dad was already where Lola was.

Around 1 in the morning I decided to call my mom so I could talk to my dad, my dad wasn’t there because he was trying to arrange where the burial is going to be. I was telling my mom of how I got the news on my end, at that point they just finished embalming her body, my mom told me that they where wheeling her coffin in to where the viewing is going to be, that was it for me, I started crying my heart out. I just couldn’t control myself, I was in the living room then, I guess I was too loud because Marchesa woke up and thought I got stabbed or something. I guess my mom was shocked at the immediate change in mood, she asked me if Emma was crying, in between tears I had to tell her that no it was me. So she held the phone on the glass covering of my coffin and told my Lola that her eldest grand child is crying his heart out. After that I just went to sleep and didn’t really get any sleep.

I did talk to my dad the morning after and he told me how he got the news 2 hrs after my Lola died, he just started expressing his grief and it was not until 2 in the morning that he was able to compose himself and drove to where my lola was.

So, how do you manage grief? You can’t. You let it run its course, you cry, you reminisce and you move on.

She is now one of those who is referred to in Hebrews 12, as one of the great cloud of witnesses. I am very honored to have known her and have been a part of her family. I will make sure her legacy is not forgotten by telling my children and grandchildren of who she was.

"1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?   2 You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. 4 You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hatred towards God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. 5 Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely? 6 But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.

7Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up."

This is one of my favorite passages that speaks of such personal promises.  A lot of this passage deals with our pride. There are quarrels because we want things that please us. We even use our prayers to benefit ourselves. Our wants causes us to keep this friendship w/ the world instead of humbling our lives to God- sometimes meaning sacrificing our such worldly wants. This passage challenges us to to focus more on our relationship w/ God, not the world- to draw near to God and submit our lives to Him.

What does this mean- submit? When we call God our Lord, many often times, it becomes a simple statement proclaiming grandeur ideas like God is King over everything, but we forget many times that our lives are included. And with our lives also comes our submission to our King. It’s not so much losing our free will- no. But it does mean to trust in God and His allowing Him to work on our lives- to trust His choices and willingly give Him power to lead us in lives best lived- and this life best lived is truly a life that draws near to Him.

With trust, comes doubt, and sometimes we live and make decisions without the seriousness of consequences. We become prideful in our own decisions instead of humbling ourselves. But when we lesson our pride and become humble, God promises that He will lift us up.

What does that mean, "he will lift us up?" What does that feel like? Wouldn’t you want to know? Wouldn’t you want to experience such a relationship with your God- the God that promises He will draw near each time we draw near to Him??? Imagine it. Just imagine what that would be like to talk to God and experience that relationship w/ this God who created all good things??? That is the thing to desire…the world seems incomparably dross and dull compared to the glory of God.

So desire Him, not the things of this world. He promises only the best.

It’s been 4 months since I’ve seen you. A mere shell of what you used to be. I remember when you used to take care of me, put up with my craziness. You were one of the reasons why I knew how to read at a very young age. You saved word puzzles for me from Liwayway magazine and wouldn’t let anyone use it because you know that everytime we come and visit i’d always bury my head and play with those things. There was never a time that I’ve seen you not reading a book. One time I asked you what you were reading, as you were showing the book to me, a picture of Lolo fell, you reached for it and jokingly said … oops it’s my boyfriend. I’m sure he’s very happy that you are with him after over 10 years of being apart from each other. What a reunion that must be.

I’m sorry I couldn’t be by your side during those times that you needed someone. I’m happy you got the chance to meet my wife and my daughter, know that Emma has probably as much spunk as you when you were growing up. I still have so many things to say but I just can’t seem to find the right words. I try so hard to remember every single detail of who you are and what you were but my mind is just keeping all those memories away from me. I guess this is goodbye.

\

Mildred Rivera Kiunisala-Ababa
July 21, 1915 - February 9, 2008